“Thinking has, many a time, made
me sad, darling; but doing never did in all my life….My precept is, do
something, my sister, do good if you can; but at any rate, do something.”
~Elizabeth Gaskell
Problems. We all face them.
Some are frivolous; some are
life changing. Some force us to draw from within us our greatest mental
potential. Many cause nothing more than stress.
Whatever issues life presents
us, whether small or big, we think about them.
We think about what to do, what
not to do, and what would be “best” for us and for everyone around us.
But how often do we think about
our thinking? When do we stop to question why we over-think, whether it’s productive,
and how to overcome it?
The first time a true bout of
over-thinking grappled me was when I graduated from college.
For many, this time comes as a
quarter-life crisis, and the event often repeats itself later in life. It’s the
time to decide what we will do with our lives, and what careers we will pursue.
We want to make a true
difference, help society, and live well. Although acquiring a comfortable desk
job may be easier, it doesn’t have such a gripping appeal.
And so begins a rare human trait
that we would surely benefit from evolving out of: rumination.
Sleepless nights came more
regularly than I ever could have predicted. Confusion was my norm.
Indecisiveness became expected. Uncertainty was my only certainty.
Fortunately, however, I didn’t
drive myself nuts (or so I believe). Underlying the distress was an organic
curiosity, and this led me to question my approach. What I came to learn truly
changed my life.
I managed to collate a number of
strategies for effectively reducing over-thinking. Below are some of my
favorite simple and easy-to-implement insights and strategies:
1. Remember that over-thinking
does not lead to insight.
You want an understanding of
which decision will be best. For this, you need a level of insight into what
each decision will lead to. Thinking this through, however, is futile.
Why? Because you never, ever
know what something will be like until you experience it.
School, college, moving home,
getting married, ending a relationship, changing career paths. However much you
imagine what these change will be like, you will be surprised by what you
discover when you actually engage in these activities.
Knowing this, you can move
forward with a true understanding of what would be best. Acting, therefore,
leads to clarity. Thought doesn’t.
2. Know that your decision will
never be final.
Over-thinking often comes from
the notion that you will make a grand finale decision that will never change
and must be correct.
It won’t happen. And that’s a
good thing. If you could predict with complete accuracy the entirety of your
future, would you want to experience it?
To me, that removes all the
spice of life. You must be aware that however much critical thinking you apply
to a decision, you may be wrong.
Being comfortable with being
wrong, and knowing that your opinions and knowledge of a situation will change
with time, brings a sense of true inner freedom and peace.
3. Learn the reasons why
over-thinking is harmful, and let it motivate you.
Studies have shown rumination to
be strongly linked to depression, anxiety, binge eating, binge drinking, and
self-harm.
In one study, 32,827 people from
172 countries showed that life events were the largest predictors of stress,
followed by family history, income and education, relationship status, and
social inclusion.
However, the study also showed
that stress only occurred if the individual engaged in negative over-thinking
about the events, and it showed that people who did not do this did not become
as stressed or depressed, “even if they’d experienced many negative events in
their lives.”
So, worry about your problems if
you wish. But don’t say no one warned you!
4. Keep active throughout the
day, and tire the body out.
Do you want to know one of the
main reasons you over-think?
It’s because you have the time
to.
Not one day can be fruitful if
more time than necessary is allowed for aimless thinking. A mind rests well at
night knowing its day has been directed toward worthy goals.
So consider daily exercise—any
physical activity that raises heart rate and improves health.
Walking is exercise. Sports,
Pilates, and playing with the dog are too. It doesn’t have to be training for
the next Olympics. Just get moving, and get tired.
5. Become the ultimate skeptic.
If you think about what causes
thinking to be so stressful and tiring, it’s often our personal convictions
that our thoughts are actually true.
Let’s look at an example.
If someone you know does
something you consider hurtful, but you don’t discuss the issue with the
person, negativity can arise with certain thoughts about why the person acted
that way.
But once you can pinpoint which
thoughts are causing the upset, one golden question will release all
negativity:
“Can I be 100 percent sure this
is true?”
By seeing the inherent lack of
truth in your beliefs, you will naturally find yourself much more relaxed in
all situations, and you won’t over-think things that are based on predictions
and assumptions.
6. Seek social support, but
don’t vent.
Better than confining your
decisions to your own biases, perspectives, and mental filters, commit to
seeking support from loved ones.
Research has long shown the
powerful impact of social support in the reduction of stress.
But even better than that is
getting a fresh, new angle on the topic.
For me, this has always—on every
occasion—led me to learn something I had never considered before. This is how
you grow, emotionally and spiritually.
7. Develop the skill of
forgiveness.
It’s no surprise that having the
misfortune of being treated undesirably leads people to suppress and repress
anger toward other people.
Forgiveness is of the highest of
human virtues. Not because it is morally correct, spiritually mature, or deemed
a commendable personality trait.
It’s special because it,
single-handedly, can induce the ultimate peace in people.
Forgiveness has also been shown
on many occasions to help develop positive self-esteem, improve mood, and
dramatically improve health. It’s a predictor of relationship well-being and
marital length, and it has even been shown to increase longevity.
8. Plan for conscious
distraction.
When do you ruminate the most?
Have you ever thought about it? For me, I ruminated at night.
When you know the time of day
rumination will begin, you can plan to remove that spare time with an activity
that engages your full faculties.
It could be Sudoku, a board game
with family, a meal out, yoga, or writing letters of gratitude to long-unseen
friends.
A note of warning: there is some
research to suggest that doing this with negatively reinforcing behaviors, such
as toxic eating patterns, can lead to harmful long-term results.
Therefore, be picky about what
you distract yourself with, and make sure it fosters positive emotion and
psychological wellbeing.
9. Solve another person’s
problem first, and get perspective.
“Serve first, seek second”
should be the motto for anyone currently distressed by their perceived
problems.
Your issue at hand can become so
consuming that others may look at you like you’re living in your own mental
world. And it takes something to break you out of it.
Helping others puts your issues
in order by reminding you that we all go through tough times, some much more
than you ever will.
That’s not to discount the
struggles you’re going through, but helping others will restore balance and
harmony in your life.
10. Remember that a perfect
decision is never a bold one, so get started.
When your final years are
approaching, you will not worry about how well you thought through your
decisions, or how thoroughly and accurately you approached life’s forks in the
road.
You will rest happily knowing
you lived true to yourself, acted with confidence, and stood up for what you
believed in.
So don’t worry about the
perfection of your decisions. Be swift to move forward, even if it is in the
wrong direction. Boldness is respectable; carefulness has never changed the
world.
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